I decided to go to the gym this morning. It has been quite a while since I last worked out as my entire life a bit off kilter lately and I find that I need structure in my life to maintain focus on any one thing. I have been in a confused funk lately and forgot a good endorphin high brings clarity to my life. I really think I had a breakthrough about several things that have been vexing me:
1) I have two gym memberships: Golds Gym and the YMCA. Why is it so hard lately to work out? For me, this is not the typical answer. I love going to the gym; its a sanctuary for my and since I have a house full of kids and a wife, its an escape for an hour or so. Lately I have had a terrible time getting off my ass to go and, in fact, for the last six months I had a fundamental mental barrier to going. Today's mad dash on the elliptical with Tool pounding my damaged ear drums though my iPod it dawned on me. I need to be around people who are in amazing shape, who are serious about what they do for me to be motivated to push myself. My wife has been urging me to cancel the Golds Membership because the YMCA is walking distance from my home and we are already paying for the family pass to the YMCA. The equipment is great at the YMCA and the location is great, but the people are from my neighborhood. They are typically fat, bald, bumpy and more concerned with their German luxury cars that working out. So, I find it excruciatingly difficult to find that salient point of motivation to push myself. I have no one from which to model my workout.
I had a nice 90 minute workout and I am utterly convinced that I need to forego the YMCA only option. This realization translates to all aspects of my life. I personally need to be around people who are talented, smart and put their heart in what they do. I am a better Dean when I am around better people. I am going to unapologetically disassociate myself from people who are not kind, great people, and that goes for work, friends, spouses of my wife's friends, too.
2) I have terrible anxiety about "doing" the bills. Not because I cannot pay them, its because my costs in nearly every category have gone up. While my racing mind shielded my from the muscle burn of my last 5 minutes of a 45 minute cardio--it became clear to me what this represented. I have fallen into the trap of upper middle class consumption patterns. I have a bigger house that requires more of everything--power, gas and water. I drive a Ford F150 truck that gets 16 miles per gallon and I work 60 miles away from home.
It dawned on me that these things are all in my control and I can make a lot of changes to drastically improve the financial waste and also help out the environment. For starters, I plan to install timers on light switches in all my lighted closets (the kids tend to leave lights on). I am going to get the new florescent bulbs for every light in the house. I am going to water my lawn half as much and I am going my make a goal to make lists when I go to the store, so I cut down on trips. I am going to sell my truck and buy a hybrid car. I like my money more than my coolness. I am also going to set a goal to find a job in the community I live and in the meantime, I am going to urge my new boss to allow me to telecommute more often.
3) I need to be in charge of my life and my decisions. I often make too many concessions to people in my life. This is partly because I am trying to be nice and partly because I have let my guard down in my last bout of instability in my life. It leaves me feeling tapped and a bit empty. So, I am going to be firm and say what I mean. People appreciate the truth and if they don't, then I am not the person for them. Since this is a drastic change for those in my life (at least a change in the last year or so), I know this is going to be hard for my wife, my boss and my family and friends.
What do you think?