I recently left my post as a COO of a very small technology services company. This company was a small, disorganized, underfunded US wing of a European BV. Initially, I was quite excited about the idea of being large and in charge of a US division of a small, but global company. I would have a team of highly specialized motivated consultants and a set of vendor partners that adored me and my staff. I would be able to drum up business at record speed–all the while, my startup costs would be gracefully funded by the European parent.
Sure, these expectations are a mix of dreams and base requirements. All new jobs have that element when you start up. What I didn’t count on was my losing the very thing that is needed to be successful in this endeavor, self confidence. I have been groomed to work in large companies. I am used to a level of assumed resources and objectivity that comes from companies that are not sole proprietorships or even privately held. I assumed certain “givens” were in place before I joined up. Such givens would include a bookkeeper, a person to handle human resources stuff… corporate credit card (you get the point).
Needless to say, none of these things were in place, or in existence. Everything was personal, including the perceived absurdity of my salary. To complicate things more for myself, I acted completely too sensitive to cultural differences. I was not direct with my CEO, I was not firm with the European employees under me, and I was too accommodating, trying to figure out the differences between us and trying hard to fit in. I lost my spine and it wasn’t a pretty situation.
The end result was for the first time in my career, I put myself at an extreme disadvantage by setting the tone of someone who is infinitely flexible and tolerant of car blanch laziness. I engaged in a culture of excuses, indecisiveness, blame and gossip. By the time I was able to see what a mess I was in, it seemed too late. The tone was set. Moreover, I was unable to see the good in my new job and I was only able to see the perks and conveniences I lost leaving the large company I used to work for. I developed a deep sense of regret, guilt, shame and–well, depression about me and my first shot as the big dog.
I admit… the CEO was not a good fit for me. My most talented employee turned out to be a criminal and the partner my firm worked with started growing their own team and needing mine less. In the end, I finally left with my tail between my legs–forced to reflect on the mistakes and to rebuild my self-respect. I have a lot more reflecting to do, but there are some lessons I learned that I want to share.
Lessons:
- Be large and in charge 100% of the time. Don’t let others push you around and stand up for what you need and what you think is right.
- You always get what you expect from people, so expect the best and don’t settle for any less. If your subordinates fail to meet your expectations, get new subordinates.
- Fire people when you need to fire them.
- Don’t develop a single point of failure on any one employee or partner.
- Be proud of who you are and don’t roll over for cultural reasons or trying to be liked.
- Focus on being respected and not being liked. Admiration comes with respect, not being nice.
- Always be direct, to the point and firm.
- No whining! If you’re in charge, it’s your job to fix problems, period.
This last situation was my first professional failure. It stings and I am not quite over it, but I still strongly believe I am a spectacular leader and I need to just pick myself up and try again. I am now in a new job. No, it’s not any better, but I will approach it differently this time. If it doesn’t cut it, I will just try again. Someday, I will figure it all out.