I got a call from my father today. We had a nice chat, but toward the end I learned that he decided to start taking antidepressants. At first, I didn't think much of it, but as I thought about it, it kind of bothered me.
I don't know what is happening to our culture, but it seems that everyone I know is on some sort of antidepressant of some kind. The over-prescribing of antidepressants is well publicized debate in the news . In fact, I now have almost every single person in my family on anything from effexor to celexa and paxil. What is going on?
I have had my own experiences with depression and anxiety. It really hit its peak in 2001 when my life became extremely complicated when I moved down to So. Cal and started a new job. I had a lot of loose ends when I left the Bay Area and I started having panic attacks. I experienced symptoms similar to heart problems and I was worried that I was having physical issues. So, I went to the doctor. She prescribed effexor for my symptoms and said I had clinical depression. She said it was caused by a chemical imbalance in my brain and the medicine would help correct it. I was relieved that I had a chemical imbalance, so I didn't really have to deal with what was really causing me to be anxious. I just needed a pill.
At first, the pills seemed to work wonders. I was happy and I stopped having mood swings and anxiety. I didn't notice that I wasn't really dealing with what was really causing my symptoms, they just went away. It seemed that I could go on forever like this, but as you all know, life catches up to you, regardless of what pill you're taking. I started gaining weight and my loose ends were compounding. Finally, I realized that something was wrong. I put on about 50 pounds ( and barely noticed it). I was aloof and lot any motivation to do anything physical. I stopped caring about my appearance and my health. My finances were a bit unmanaged, so I started having issues, but I wasn't motivated to fix anything. I was turning into a real lug and that really depressed me.
I got a new doctor and had a long chat with him about what was going on and told him about the medication I was on for about two years. I went on to tell him how I came to the point of taking pills to make me happy and how I seems to be losing ground on my life, but I just didn't seem to care, but I thought I should care. He just looked at me and said, "You don't have a chemical imbalance, you have a life imbalance and your physical response is telling you to fix your life. Listen to your body. Get off your ass and fix your life."
I had never gotten advise like that from a Doctor before, but he was right. I had to deal with the core of what was causing the panic attacks and the panic attacks would go away. He described as guilt; I lacked spiritual purpose and I needed to take a close look what were necessities and what were just burdensome complications.
So, I took some key steps to fix things. First, I had to get off those fucking pills. It took six months to wean myself off of them. The withdraw symptoms were pretty bad. I wasn't addicted, but I had some really strange side effects after I started reducing my dosage. I had these strange brain surges. I felt a wave of motion all the time. It was the oddest feeling. But the pills were eventually out of my system. I also started with closing the loose ends that were freaking me out. Then, I had to address my physical down-slide. I started dressing nice and that made me feel better about who I was, then I nailed the weight (which has been a two year ordeal, but I am back to my fighting weight). Then I focused on my career issues and fixed those. I still have some fixing to do, but I am better off than I was when I was taking the pills and I have my motivation back.
I fear my father is in the same boat I was in when I started taking pills. He has a lot of loose ends in his life, which made him very moody. He filled with anxiety because his life got out of control and he didn't listen to his body. I know telling him this would not change his mind. He is in the honeymoon bliss of the first dose of antidepressants and feels that he has never been happier. Me telling him my experience will not change his mind at this point. Its sad, really. What really bothers me is that our society seems to give permission to check out and not deal with your stuff!. Doctors and drug companies have found a niche market in this situation and nearly everyone I know these days falls victim to taking pills to "feel better." What happen to being a grown up about life?
I am glad I am on the other side now. I will gladly take on my problems clear headed, rather than living in a cloud, smiling between doses of effexor.